The Spy Next Door

(PG) Roadshow DVD/BD

Jackie Chan was one of the best things about that unnecessary Karate Kid remake. But the disposable flick he made beforehand, The Spy Next Door, can’t be saved by the dexterous martial arts master.

In the same limp league as Vin Diesel’s The Pacifier or The Rock’s Tooth Fairy — all wannabe clones of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s superior Kindergarten Cop — The Spy Next Door reveals most in the title.

Chan is dweeby Bob, a super spy who hooks up with glamour puss neighbor, Gillian (Amber Valletta). As if their mismatched pairing isn’t hard enough to swallow, Gillian leaves her children in the hands of mysterious Bob when she suddenly has to go away. Incredibly, Bob is simultaneously drawn into some espionage claptrap which, you know, puts Gillian’s kids in danger.

Best not to think too deeply about the disturbing parenting decisions on display, or how some of the best moments in this forgettable “family film” come when Bob’s charges beat up bad guys.

Ben McEachen